A Change of View
This post started out on a daily prompt, which was entitled, “Can’t stand me.” It had me thinking about the things I can’t stand about myself. However, when I thought more about the prompt, it made me realize that I am acutely aware of the the things that I cannot stand about myself, and I have either fixed them, or am addressing them.
For example, in the prompt, it asked about what you disliked more: seeing oneself in a video, or hearing oneself in an audio. Quite honestly, I dislike both rather equally. However, with online teaching, it is only natural that you have to make recordings of yourself in both video and audio. At first, I was very self-conscious of this, because whenever people hear me speak for the first time, especially online, I always get a comment about my voice. Apparently, my voice is very distinctive. Also, whenever I see myself in videos, I notice little odd quirks that I’ve picked up – like, when I lecture, I have a little hop that I do when I’m walking around.
In typical INTJ fashion, my initial reaction was to try and fix what I didn’t like. However, I can’t change my voice without sounding fake, and my weird birdie hop is simply me, curbing my high energy output and enthusiasm when I teach. I did end up fixing what I disliked about both of these things, but not in the way that most people would think.
I fixed how I looked at the problem. Meaning, yes, my voice is still very distinctive (and I still get comments about it), and I still do that little hop when I teach, but it stopped bothering me that I did them. Why? Because I realized that what mattered was that I got my message across. If people were only focused on the sound of my voice, or how I delivered my lessons, then it meant that what I had to say had less meaning than how I said it. I changed how I saw myself – or more like, I changed what I saw.
Instead, I focused more on the things that I could change, and what was most important – my perception, and my message. So now, when I look at myself giving audio or video, I ask:
- Is my message clear?
- Is it important?
- Is it applicable?
If I can say yes to all those things? Then I’ve done my job. ^.^